You Need Five Wheels, Right?

SNAPPY INTRO.

So I like to think of myself as a strong independent woman who don't need no man and all, and usually that's pretty true. But lately? God I've been lonely.

I've never really had a bunch of friends who were dating. In fact I've never really had friends who were dating. One of them kinda went out with this guy freshman year of high school, but she's so secret about everything that I didn't even know till it was over. And then my best friend has been in this relationship for a year, but I've never actually seen them interact because it's long distance. Sometimes I forget she has a boyfriend.

And then college happened. Suddenly, everyone's dating. And I didn't expect that to happen at all, because at first they were all very casual fun-times whee-college let's-make-out-with-strangers sort of stuff. Which wasn't really my cup of tea (because what is flirting? and romance? and people?), but I was fine with it.  But nowadays....

They're just all suddenly dating.  Each other. So I'm hanging out with my friends, in just our normal group of friends, and BAM everyone's kissing. Except me in the corner.

I hate it. More than I want to admit, really, I just hate it. I want to be all happy for them, and I am. I want not to care, and I don't. But all of the time there's just this burning rage in my stomach because they have something I don't and I don't see why I shouldn't.

It's not so much the lack of boyfriend, really. I've never had a boyfriend, and I was never really that shook up about it. All through high school it didn't really keep me up at night. But now that my friends are all dating each other, they spend more time with their significant others than their friends, which is all fine and good and appropriate. Except when each of my four friends, dating one of each of my four friends, spends more time with their significant other than with me, that equals zero people left with me to fill the gap.

Not that I only have four, those are just the ones I see most. Stay with me.

I just don't like losing them to each other, to be honest. I'm an attention junkie, I know this about myself. I feel best when people pay me a lot of attention. When they're too busy with romance, there's less time for that, and my mood drops.

And of course this sounds whiny and immature, because it is.  I'm not even looking for a relationship right now because I don't think I would have the time, but I'm just such an outsider. It's driving me insane. And there's no one really to complain to because all of my confidantes are sort of the source of the problem, and they are all beyond sick of hearing me talk about it. And look, I'm whiny and self-absorbed, but I'm not a terrible person. I don't want to poison my friends' happiness. I do want them to be happy.

It's just hard when i want more than anything for all of them to save each other for the bedroom and notice me.