I Won't Lie to You, this Post has Zero Plan. Zero.

I'm not kidding about the plan thing.

Usually I at least have some sort of idea when I go to write one of these. So as not to bore the teeming masses of invisible intangible imaginary people who read them. You know, courtesy.

But fellas, today there really isn't anything. I just wanted to write something, I really did. But the only thing I can think about is my freakishly small ears.

It's not that I think they look freakishly small, because I don't. In fact I've never found myself displeased with the proportion of my ears, and as I am a woman and have thus studied all my body parts in detail and with a fierce critical eye, this is an achievement. Ear-wise. But I have to conclude they're freakishly small because OH MY GOD THE PAIN.

You know those earbuds that come with iPods, right? The white ones? Of course you do. I know you're using them to listen to Aerosmith right now. (Why do I assume that the people who read my blog like Aerosmith...? I don't even like Aerosmith...in fact, I can't even name an Aerosmith song. Not one.) The point is, they come in the box, they're not bad sound quality, they, like, provide music. Everyone uses them. They're free (well, relatively. More like a sunk cost. But if your dad is an economist like mine, that means free.)  So they seem like the perfect option for listening to your explicit Aerosmith lyrics when Nana is in the room. (Does Aerosmith have explicit lyrics? And why am I using so many parentheses in one paragraph?)

Except here's the problem. THEY HURT ME LIKE HELL.  Oh, my God, I can't even stand it. It's almost as if they were designed specifically for my torture. Firstly, I can't force them to nestle how I assume they're supposed to in my ears in any way. They're always awkwardly wedged in there, like the proverbial square pegs in round holes. And they defy all logic, too, because they manage to be both too tight and too loose at the same time. I kid you not. They are so tight in my ear that both of mine are literally going numb right now from the pain of using them, but at the same time, they will lift free with the slightest provocation. I barely need to twitch before one or both come careening out of my ears. Personally, I think my ears are forcing them out in self-defense.  It really hurts me, and I forgot how much.

I must be the only one who feels this way. I have to be. Otherwise everyone else is taking great care in the global conspiracy to lie to me. And since no one else is discomforted, I must have freakishly small ears. Which doesn't make sense, because they look normal, and I have a huge head, so they would look even smaller in comparison if they were unusually small.

And I can't just not use the headphones, because my nice ones broke and I don't have any money to buy ones that are not a sunk cost.

Fellas, life is hard.
On the upside, I managed to eek out a post about basically nothing. Feel free to skip it. In fact, just happen navigate away from the page and then come back so you can skip it. I'll wait.