Yer Grammer Sucks

^Those are intentional mistakes, and if you didn't catch them, just leave. No really. Grab your glasses and leave. 


So I'm a bit of a grammar police officer. (A bit, she says. I'm like Sheriff Grammar).  This is something you should know about me. 


I admit that there are grammar mistakes that make me uncomfortable, but are not upsetting or even relevant to the majority of people. For example, ending  a sentence with a preposition. It's incorrect. It makes me want to hurt someone with tongs.

"Where's the party at?"
JUST STOP AT "PARTY." HONESTLY.

However, even I can acknowledge that it may not be the most crucial aspect of most peoples' (i.e. anyone who is not me) lives.

Then there are other things. And those things are SO wrong, SO horribly incorrect, I have to wonder how you sleep at night.
For example, I'd like to boil (my this is violent. I'm honestly peaceful. I swear. Really. No, really.) whoever started this trend:

Lamp's and Table's by the dozen!


AAAAAAAH, I can't even type it.  Where on EARTH did you get the idea that you needed an apostrophe to pluralize things? I mean, really? Did that come to you in a horrific dream fueled by a potent combination of Valium and Gin and Tonic?  And then you just HAD to put it ON THE PERMANENT SIGN on your BUSINESS ESTABLISHMENT without ANYONE WITH ONE QUARTER OF A BRAIN checking it for you?

I don't understand. Sign companies shouldn't let this happen! They should send it back.
Apostrophes are POSSESSIVE, or they indicate a CONTRACTION. That is all. They do not magically make singular words plural. All you need to do that is an "s."  No, really, that's all.

Alright, world, (and by world, I mean the six of you glancing at this. Did you know that my entire readership audience is from Russia? I knew Russians were cool) join me. Let everyone know that this isn't okay. When they try to use an apostrophe to pluralize something, just stare at them, confused. Then wander away.  Do this every time they talk. They'll get it eventually. I hope.